if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
