Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
