I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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