honey bunches of taint.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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