That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
