so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
