he puts the penis in happiness.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
