I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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