U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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