I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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