In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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