Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
