I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
