If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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