That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
