Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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