i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
