you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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