Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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