I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
