I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
