He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
