We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found puke in my bra..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
