the condom got lost in my hair
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
