Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
