Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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