just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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