There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
