I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
