you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
where are my eyebrows?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
