We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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