I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
