like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
