Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize