Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
