well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
