just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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