Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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