If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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