hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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