I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
