My first STD was from a foam party
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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