You're like the curious george of whores
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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