have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
