I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
