Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
