Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
