Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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