well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
