did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
