you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
