The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
