so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
