before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
