p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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