so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
