As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We're using joints as your birthday candles
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
