i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
