You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
