Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
