He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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