just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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