Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
