Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
