you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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