alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize