i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
