4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
