I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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