You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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