I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
