Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
