remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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