yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
