I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
